hope

what did  you want from me my love
chosing me in ur life
making me yours but the fact I see now
you never can be loyal

its enough!i'd gave my time.. waste my life
but you never and will never change!
even i give you thousand chances
all chances will never be appreciated
you will never change!

I always wanted! I'll always hoping that u'll try to understand!
the meaning of love!
whatever it is... the meaning of love
i am sure it will never be the same as what i'd been through now!
it'll never be the meaning of love...
disloyal! disrespect!

you should be aware... if you really wanna be with me..
don't deny my love...
am i not good enough for you?
why can't you stay with me...?
why should you do this?
i never had once deny you...
i'd even try not to see your disloyal and your makin that as your point to hurt me!
i'd hurt enough..! won't you stop now?
please... let's love each other..
let's make better love story...

am i still desire? am i still missed?
is there still got time to spend together with you?
i wanna spent all my life with you..
as long as you live..... i'll always waiting..
am i not worth for you to fall..?
to let go all those other love behind? your fake love...
i don't wanna be one of those anymore....
let's make me for real! i'll show you i worth it!
worth it for you to jump the bridge for....

lovers player!

My thought will never happen
i'll  never end thinking this
You can make me love you
even you despite repeating insincere
disloyal to me!
You're so enamored fork
Just enough, please end ur madness! ur craziness
Before my life and soul, you're ripped and make it become poignant
and so dull by ur fake love.!

yourself! my love players!
Lovers of the world desires
playin with my heart!
Although you have such a beautiful soul
Sorry you did not worth  for me
recessed in room of my  the deepest heart
romance vibration remain
It is in fooling around
Sometimes you look perfect
your  faces.. ur beautifull eyes makes me blind!
I have to turn away even if you ask me stay!

Tell me what you want!?
In ur very fake false life
have ever through ur mind
To get true love?

im not here for ur entertainment anymore!

good mood!

there just no more...

"i'm not in a good mood! you're just so annoying!!" 

today! lol... im just damn so happy.... hahaha
feel like wanna laughing all day...xD 
for sure the main reason is because im totally recovered from my sick..
second.. the princess have go back to the castle..
muahahahaha.. i even laugh in my sleep last nite.! 
lol.. that was hilarious.. my sister tell me that thou...
im just goin to crazy today..


maybe its because the huge rain...
that i'd finally had best damn luck today! ehehe..
except for "forgot shop key at home" xD
all just gon so smooth!
i even will not be here soon!
ohhhheeeeeeeemmmgeeeeeeeeee.. this is just nice!!!

beauty:)

storryyyy:)

I expect you to be with your friends that are also girls.
But I never thought this would hurt me the most.
I told myself I wasnt jealous.
But I was...
I pretended it was no biggy...
I tagged along with your friendship between you and her.
I tried not to be jealous when she flirts with you and put my feelings inside and hide it forever.
But i dont want it to be hidden forever.
I wanted to tell her that you were mine and dont dare take you away from me.
But like always, I just tagged along.
All I want now is just to be with you alone, staring at the stars, being with each other is all I want..
I was hopeless.....
We went somewhere and again with her..,
I just sat and listened to both of you talk..
Then I see you both looking at each others eyes..
That's when I talked,....
At first i didnt know what to say but i just said what i was feeling inside of me...
It was late...She kissed you....But you didnt stop her......why???........I stared, shocked,.....what just happened??.....I fell to the ground.....You glance at me......Ran up to me......Asked me if I was ok.......Isn't it obvious??.......I look up and see him, I looked away so you wouldnt see me cry......I stood......Ran away.....I didnt expect you to follow.......You asked what was wrong........Then i look at you red eyes, tearing....*slap*........I was shocked i did that.....But you deserved it.....I walk away crying.....You take hold of my hand.....Looked at me with your glistening eyes.....You kiss me......My eyes widen...As i push you away from me, you hold me tighter....I tried to push you away with all my might....I look at you again......Then she comes.......She asks what happened.......
I stare at her, angry,.....I talk....I told her you were mine and will always be mine.....I glare at her......She's shocked....she looks at you.....You look at her back.....And said ''She's right, I'm hers and will always be hers.''.......She stands there.....Me, shocked again.....You take my hand....We walk.....You say, ''remember when we said WE'LL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER FOREVER?'' when we were still young? that's still gonna happen right?...you look at me....I just stare back not saying a word......I nod....You smile....That smile.....It made my heart stop....I missed that smile of yours.....the smile thats only made for me.....Yes it was........I tear...You come up to me and hug me.....You pat my head....I look up at you and say ''I love you''.....You smile and kiss my forehead.......and whisper '' i love you too, i never stopped loving you''.....You wipe my tears....And played ''you'll look ugly if you cry :)''.....I punch you on the arm......You giggle and said ''hey, you're my everything'' and winked........I was speechless........

Him: aren't you gonna say anything back??
Me: *looks at him*
Him: eh, your so speechless...do i have to do and say all the nice things here?? hmm, i guess.. :)
*he kisses me again and says I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET THAT''*
I smile trough his kiss..
Him: Hehe ;) *he whispers giggling* i felt that smile, dont deny it ;)
Me: EHHH!!!! *HITS HIM* OH SHUSH.....*LOOKS AWAY AND SMILES BLUSHING*
Him: oww.... :) *in his mind* I'm glad we're together again and i made you smile*

a song to mend a broken heart:)

You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you're in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Now you over there
It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love

When you was just a young and your looks were so precious
But now your grown up
So fly it's like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself, so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back ten times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you're in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Why you over there?
It's hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love

You had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault
Wasn’t in your intentions
To be the one here talking to me
Be the one listenin'
But I admire your popping bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don’t be mad
Nobody else tripping
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook

See You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

Oh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeah

And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual

You see you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

unbearable

okay.. i admit this is unbearable already! arghh.. its damn fuckin hurtin me... my head... oh my God.. what happening to me?

why was this world spinnin around..? everything seems so blur... i cant help this.. i cant call my mom n said..
" hey mom.. its me.. im freakin damn sick here.. i miss you. u know i love you rite"

haha.. that was urrhh... mean? i wont do that to you mummy.. i wont make u worry cant sleep at nite wondering how im doin here.. its okay.. im used to this.. but... 3days? fuck! fuck! fuck! i'd been sick for three days and i was all alone here... 

i wish u were here.. hugging me... i miss you! even tho i never said that to you.. i hope u know me better than my words..
here ur princess who run away from those castle missin you.. havin home sick which is not for the first time.. but its different today! 

you know what! im goin home this early october.! 
havin someone to cook for me.. someone wake me up..
better... someone who take care of me.. and feelin those "bein loved by family" again! urggh.. although i hate that home.. its okay.. i'll be there for one month before i moved out again.. im sorry.. i just wanna spend some time with you before i started my school again:) i miss you.! i love you! damn damn much mother!

worst makin better

The decisions that I make in my life may not be wise, it may not be good for me but in the end of the day I've learned what I put myself through and I'll be stronger the day before.

wisdom

Every generation isn't getting worse. We're all just simply forgetting. We forget that we used to run out on the streets at inappropriate times. We forget we made heinous remarks to people who weren't on our side. We forget that forts made a big mess... we forget that we all loved in ways everyone protested.

ridiculous!

maybe this is ridiculous! but this is what i want! no regret at all... :) no! no! no! 

i guess this is life..
we have to take the chance of getting hurt to live life..

so guys.. have you ever feelin blue and cry ur self to sleep... like you hoping there's no tomorow? 
well i guess everyone will... and so do i.. but as soon as i wake up and have a happy day.. i forgot bout my problem and i hope i can live forever.. and i dont care about those damn fucking problems.. coz i dont care anymore.

i am busy makin my life.. im busy makin new friend.. amkin new problems.. and so on.. i then i realize how much i love be in trouble.. how much i need problems..... 

problems... it show me my best friend.. my true friend.. and those i should never trust... 
problems... it make relationship more stronger.. especially with my family and friends.. and they will be there and support you..
problems... also give me chance to know new people.. discover new places... and new things as i keep busying my self.. 

life wasnt that hard..:) 

problems comes and go!

here is another day end up with problems.!

here is another day i saw those sad face..
and one thing for sure.. i hate it! i just hate it being surrounded by those people! 

i am sad too... but i always smile..
i don't care what their thoughts was..
i just don't want those people i love..
saw the tears come out from my eyes...
no.. no.. not infront of them..:)
let i have those feeling but not them!
im wondering whether pretending is the best way i can do?
or will it make it worst?
or perhaps there's no one understand..
there's no one know me well like i do..


so here i am.. ending alone again..
i am going out for sure :)
HELL YEAH! GET RIDE OF ALL THOSE UNNECESSARY FEELING! 
COZ IM GOIN TO HAVE SOME FUN TONITE..
IM TIRED THINKING..


TIRED!
LET'S MAKE THIS FULL OF PROBLEMS DAY TO BETTER.. 

^_______^

better life.

I am Thankful :

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

 

*life never too hard if you really know how to feel thankfully for all happen...  

reBORN:)

at same point you will realize that ypu have done too much for someone
that the only possible step to do is to stop!
leave them alone..
walk away..
it's not like u are giving up and shouldn't try..
its just that..
u have to draw the line 
of DETERMINATION from DESPERATION..
what is truly yours
would eventually be yours! 
and what is not,
no matter how hard you try..
will never be..:)

friendship and lovers :)

u picked her over me again!
am i still ur best friend?
you text me saying how much you care..!
but now that i need you..
you are not here..
they called you up and asked to see you..
so u dropped me..
left me behind..
didn't even turn around
and say goodbye!
here's the last chance..
you don't need to lie!
please JUST LEAVE ME ALONE..
it's my turn to cry!
but IM NOT GOIN TO CRY ANYMORE...! 
I'D DONE! i'd fed enough..
it's the time to stop comforting other
because im goin to comfort myself more..

*PAIN IS JUST A PART OF LIFE.. ITS NORMAL.. SO JUST KEEP LIVING WITH SMILE..:)